Hegseth Sells Naming Rights to Ships, Bases

 WASHINGTON—More Department of Defense assets are slated to be renamed, according to a press briefing given by Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth today. "I am pleased to announce that we have reached an agreement in principle for Blockchain Bro Holdings LLC to acquire the naming rights for warship CVN-76, currently known as the USS Ronald Regan. The ship will be renamed the USS BitcoinBonanza.com."

As the sound of groans filled the briefing room, a visibly agitated Hegseth continued. "Let's get something straight. In the first place, it is my mission to completely eradicate wokeness from the ranks of our military, and I can think of no better place to start than by removing the name of a globalist RINO from one of our fighting ships. Secondly, you people in the mainstream media are going to bitch and moan no matter what I do, so what the hell, I might as well make a few bucks off the deal."

Additional upcoming name changes include renaming Edwards Air Force Base to The Poulan Weed Eater Plane Place, Fort Bragg to Fort Carquest, and Cape Canaveral Space Force Station to RocketZone Powered by Cialis.




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